Last year I managed to simultaneously avoid morning traffic and find relatively close off-campus parking all at the same time by waking up at 5am, driving to varsity and sleeping in my car till class started. I look back now in disbelief. It is beyond my comprehension how I managed to get my ass out of bed at that ungodly hour every morning for a year.
This year on the first day of class I naively set my alarm for 5:15am. I ended up hitting the snooze button till about 7:15. Each time nodding off for 10min with the hope that future me would have somehow gathered the strength it would require to get out of bed. When I eventually woke up and drove to varsity I managed to find parking at the sports center and was fortunate enough to not get fined by UCT traffic officials. I think they take it easy on us the first week. Walk down Rugby Road next week this time and you’ll probably see nothing but little A6 pieces of paper flapping from the windows of countless unfortunate schmucks.
Anyway, not getting up at 5am made my day feel a lot less schleppish. I knew then that I would never be able to get out of bed so early ever again. Also, driving for an hour in bumper to bumper traffic feels a lot like sleeping. Except for the part where occasional driver cuts you off and you somehow manage to snap out of your trans just in time to slam breaks.
So I started flirting with the idea of how nice it would be to own one of those little blue round parking discs. The thought of parking just a short walk away from your first lecture without having to constantly worry about racking up fines was very appealing. After driving around campus the next day for about 20min before parking at the bottom of Woolsack Drive which is sweaty 15min uphill walk away from uppercampus, I realized just how foolish that idea really was. Parking space on campus is a luxury enjoyed only my those who manage to get there before 8:30am. UCT traffic department is a university cash cow that must still be avoided at all cost.
You see I have more than a grand worth of fines racked up at that unholy place. However, unlike real traffic departments they have no way of connecting me to those fines, unless I foolishly go waltz in there giving them all my details. Buying a parking disc I would be doing exactly that. This would mean that any future traffic offenses from that point onwards would be directly linked to my student account (Yes, they are bastards). Avoiding these schmucks however does not allow for unlimited parking offenses. If you rack up to many they may decide to wheelclamp you one day in which case they just *might* require your details before letting you go. If your dad happens to own a chop shop or something you could technically avoid this by getting new licence plates on a regular basis. For now I think I’ll just have to park in some remote location like today and take that 15min trek up to campus daily. At least I’ll stay fit.
